Burning Desire to Share

Wow! Thank you so much. Its always reassuring to know there are many members with similar sobriety stories. Not all members can relate to what you may have said but, I do. About my fifth year in, I was ready to jump off the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge. Its an easy jump as jumps go, the height of the rails are about 4 feet and the drop about 600 feet. I was going to 4-5 meetings a week. I prayed in the morning and at night. I worked the steps and was a good husband and father but, one day something came over me. I drove to the bridge, walked to the center and meditated before the leap. Just then, a biker drove by and screamed "Its a permanent solution to a temporary problem brother" and disappeared. I was startled out of my funk and returned to earth. I've heard that many times in AA and thought about my wife and kids. I ran off that bridge and drove home hugging them as I rushed in the house. When that man yelled, something clicked in me "I need to see a doctor" It's been a few years after treatment and there is a new joy and happiness again in my life. With the proper care I am experiencing the promises today in AA. One day I hope I cross paths with that biker to thank him for saving my life.
Mannie, New Mexico

My heart is with you and your family. My parents passed on of natural cause in sobriety as words could not touch its reality , I sat quietly in a meeting not wanting to talk to anyone nor be told anything as I need to be around my kind as I heard the music around the people instead of a sorry. In time I picked up my head for my parents thanking them for doing the best they could – Time was the only healer and I am glad I had a place to go to and hear the music. If a wish could help consider it done, hang in there my friend.
A weird thing I realized growing up my parents never said good by they always said SEE YA.

Try reading page 52. I truly believe this is the only thing our program can really help with

I fit your general description of yourself, male, long sobriety, lost both elderly parents in the last six years and I have certainly felt everything you are feeling. In my experience there is no “right” way to feel grief. In fact there is no “right” way to feel anything. Akin to “I can’t think my way to good living but I can live my way to good thinking”. What I DO will result in the best outcome despite what I think or feel. There is usually levity during grief. Experts likely have a reason. I just know that there is and it seems normal. When we’ve just been close to the big one (life and death) people sharing complaints of cats that won’t behave do tend to fade by comparison. In some cultures, haven’t we seen that mourning is officially required to last a year? All black and all that? Excessive by my standards but Dr Tebot nailed us with his description of self centered, impatient, and a low tolerance of frustration. Any time I feel dis-ease, I can quickly trace it to one of those. I can’t click my red shoes together three times and make it disappear but I know it is my alcoholism doing the thinking for me and as long as I do the next right think it will go away. I bet it will for you too.

Dear Numb, I know how you feel; I've felt the same and wondered if I was a pyschopath. In you, I recognize patterns I too have had, prior to a relapse. When I set myself as different, and are unable to relate to others in the program, I am headed down a precarious path. I must force myself to relate to my other alcoholics, or I will get drunk. For me to get back on the path, when I can't stand the thought of relating to others, I have to pray. And I pray, not because I believe it will work (because deep down I don't), but rather I pray because doing so makes me feel better. Maybe just a self-imposed time out is what I need. Talk to a sponser, pray, try to do a good deed, go to another meeting, and most important don't drink, even when your brain tells you it will be different this time: it won't be, that's just your arrogance and ego lying to you. Good luck.

Pray for a mini miracle; pray for any sign that you are connected with a higher power, the miracle may come in time or it may arise suddenly. It will show you the way.

I attended a regional forum in about 1980 in Kansas City. Much talk about literature sales supporting AA. Same concern you are expressing today. I haven’t seen one iota of evidence that any outsiders “contributing” by purchasing AA literature have had any influence on its content. Have you?

I accept that it is an important concept; I don’t want outsiders influencing our organization either. I just don’t see that anybody outside of AA has much interest in our literature and the few that do certainly haven’t attacked like corporate takeover raiders.

Great question!

I doubt if there was ANYTHING that some members didn't do, and still do, and will continue to. On the other hand, if we want to be effective in helping others stay sober, the "how to" is spelled out in great detail in our literature, particularly the chapter "Working With Others" in the Big Book.

In my experience people go into bars to start drinking. AA is for those of us who want to stop drinking. I'm not helpful for those who don't want help.

Well done Amber!

Hi Amber, we're glad you reached out! I've been in the program Sinai 1993. It does get better. Go to a meeting today and tomorrow and don't drink, and everything will be just fine.

God Bless you Aly's dad, and God Bless Aly. We are so grateful that Aly is ok and able to continue to reach out with the hand of AA to those want this simple program.

Congratulations Aly on getting your Masters in Psychology, what a Powerful example you are to any alcoholic who wants to move forward in their life!

Yours in Recovery :)

yeah I can see why you wouldn't want to quit having all that
fun and enjoying life the way you are!
Seriously now, all you need to do is make a decision.
That's all!
Are you willing to concede to your inner most self you are an alcoholic? This is the first step in recovery!
If you are not willing then nothing will change. My cousin just died from this illness. If you could have seen him the
last week you would puke. I have been trying to be his friend and offer any help I could but he told me about a year ago that he, "is just going to drink and I guess die".
I said that is exactly what is going to happen.
I lost my own son to this illness. He was 25.
If it were possible for me to give you one thing it would
be the WILLINGNESS. But it is up to you. RC

I pray that you have found a meeting and are sober today. I always call 411 and ask for Alcoholics Anonymous and a member calls me back. God be with you in your journey. K

I am 27 years old as well, and i have been sober for 14months!! It is the best accomplishment i have ever done!! I have a wonderful life! A life i have always dreamed about! When i came into AA last February i thought the same thing, my life was over, and my life was going to be so boring from here on out. That is so not true in my life! I have experienced so much pleasure and so much fun these last 14 months! I have friends in AA that actually care about me and don't just want something out of me. They want my company! AA has taught me how to love myself again and how to laugh, smile, and be ok in my own skin!! I really want to help you, and show you that there is life in sobriety! If i can stay sober for 14months you can do it too!!! Just go online and find a Meeting. Even if you feel like you don't want to go or are nervous about going for the first time. Do it! The people there will understand. Everybody in that room has been where you are now. They will love you till you know how to love yourself! Goodluck, and ill be praying for you!!

Dear New,

Sounds like you are about ready for the wildest, most fun ride of life, sobriety.

I sobered up at 32 and often say today, if I'd known how fun life could be without alcohol, I'd have sobered up sooner. ALL of the best and most wonderful things in life have happened for me in these past 26 years.

When I was ready, I found AA in my area, started hitting meetings, got a big book and read it,looked for folks with good sobriety (happy active members) and ask how they were doing it, found someone with good sobriety who worked the steps and asked for help working the steps, joined a home group, took a service position...Somewhere in all the above, I found my Higher Power, my humanity, other people and myself and started to become the person I was meant to be.

In larger towns today there are active YPAA groups (young people in AA)that offer lots of fun social events.

RARELY (NEVER) have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path! As the old timers said to me, If you do these things and do not find recovery, we will gladly refund your misery.

Best wishes. Enjoy the ride.

I really took heart when I read your comments. When you wrote, "I feel like drinking is the only thing to do," I thought, that's the best definition of alcoholism that I have ever heard. Alcoholism tells you that it's a good idea to drink, even when you know in your heart that it isn't. And when you wrote, "I feel like I will never have fun again and never enjoy life" without alcohol, I remember that feeling well. But here's the good news. You can leave the hell of your situation and turn it around quite quickly. I say that because of my own situation. One day I was a woman, drunk in my house, on the road to dying of alcoholism, and the next day I was in a meeting where people told me, Patty, you never have to drink again, one day at a time." And in that moment I was on the road to a life that has given me a lot of joy, and a lot of learning, a life I never dreamed of, one day at a time. I encourage you to look up the meeting schedule online for your area, and go to some meetings. Listen to what the people have to say, and talk if you want to. A women's meeting is always a nice meeting to attend too. See if you relate to anything that you hear. I tell you, when I compare my life before and what it is now, I don't even think about drinking. It's a great freedom. I was so relieved when they told me, You never have to take another drink, one day at a time. Good luck to you.

If you found this site you can easily find, online, a meeting contact near you.

Please look up AA in your local phone directory or search your city with AA using the seach enging of your choice. If none are available, go to your local library and check out the book "alcoholics Anonymous" there are directions in the appedicies to get in touch with AA. If no AA members are available, an aa member from our general service office will begin a correspondence with you.

Good luck to you and your sobriety!

"They piled on me heaps of evidence to the effect an alcoholic mentality..." Alcoholics Anonymous p42. Doesn't sound like they used kid gloves does it? Worked for me too. Thanks for sharing.

Dementia in older members happens. Whatever level of of control that is necessary to stop vandalism (which is what you just described) is in order. I have been in more than one group conscience meeting where the decision was to use the police if needed. Haven't seen it come to following through with that but it needs to be ironed out ahead of time.

It's tough. Good luck.

If the group has already confronted him and informed him of tradition 1 that the group comes first, next time this happens, call the police so he can get the mental help he deserves. If your group doesn't want to go that far, simply have a male menber use the facilities whenever this person is. It is possible that someone else is commiting these offenses.
Remember that the group comes first, the individual members second.

On at least two occasions the group had the church legally prohibit the offenders from being on church property.
The matter of the offender's anonymity since his behavior was definitely not that expected of an AA member, in fact is a demonstration of his contempt for both the host church, the group and AA in general.

I'm Mike, alcoholic.

I don't like applying the term low or high bottom to others as it is very judgemental, IMO. It took what it took for me to get here and to stay here. If I go back out and drink again I am sure I will hit a lower bottom than the last one... sooner or later!

I have heard many times we don't have to ride the garbage truck all the way to the dump. I can get off any time. The person living in a mansion with an unlimited bank account can be just as sick as the one on skid row. I always believed I couldn't be an alki because I wasn't living on skid row. The idea kept me in denial for 32 years. I truly believe skid row is more a state of mind (bankrupt mentally, spiritually and emotionally).The only thing missing for me was sleeping in back alleys,eating out of garbage cans, etc. I would have surely ended up there with a little more drinking, If I was unlucky to live so long.

I try to meditate on step 1 every day so I never forget my last drunk. When and if the obsession to dring returns I play the tape through to the end to remember what I will surely lose if I pick up again.

Thanks for my sobriety.

Mike B.
Oliver, BC

Not in Houston TX we tell the gult level truth work the steps on die. Or live the rest o
f your life like a rouche.

I had had the wrecks, tickets, thousands of hangovers, work problems bombed relationships like everyone else from the beginning. I walked into Alcoholics Anonymous when I was thirty years old and couldn’t break the habit of going home from work thinking I could drink a beer, turning it into at least six or eight and falling asleep in front of the TV. No family pressure, no crisis. A good inventory using the steps showed me I was as sick as anybody on skid row. The drinking is only a symptom it says somewhere. I had plenty of others.
Trying to predict a member’s success or failure based on his or her bottom (or anything else for that matter) has been a fool’s errand for me any time I tried. Alcoholics Anonymous offers a solution for anyone who wants it any time they want to stop. That’s all that’s important.

I have found quite the opposite, that many who long-term quality sobriety did not hit "rock bottom" as you suggest. On that point, I heartily agree with Dr. Jung, that some kind of "emotional rearrangement" is necessary, which for some does not require skid-row membership before being possible. If my bottom allows me to recognize that I cannot and did not get sober by myself and need help to stay sober, and I have a little bit of gratitude for my sobriety and the help I have gotten in achieving it, I think I have a pretty good chance of staying sober today, whether my bottom was low or high.

24 Hours is FANTASTIC. That's all we have to do. Keep lining up those 24 hours at a time. Sometimes it one moment to the next, one minute at a time. Surround yourself with AA Materials, it helped me.
Dave B. Sober Day: 8/23/12

I'll do my best to resist dying from alcoholism until due time arrives.

You didn't willingly and knowingly take a drink. You also didn't ingest an alcoholic beverage. You're fine. Word of caution, however: check aftershave lotions, cough & cold meds, deserts, etc., as a continual diet of any of these will definately change your body chemistry, mental well-being, and increase your vulnerabiluty to relapse. If any member other than your sponsor tries to instill guilt into your psyche, tell him to 'live and let live', call his own sponsor, say the serenity prayer, work the third step, or better yet, read page 449. It's ok today, you're ok today, and you're exactly where you are supposed to be, in this moment in time, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing...now go help someone else! http://www.aagrapevine.org/

I don't know where you guys all live but here in the Midwest we read "How it Works" in its entirety before every meeting. You know the one that has phrases like "thoroughly followed our path" and "People who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program" "if you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths" "Half measures availed us nothing" Then it goes on to say here are the steps we took and lists all 12 steps. I will grant that Bill did speak of some latitude but the phrase you allude to is in regard to the choice of a God. I also remember a section of literature that says nothing but rigorous action will bring about the much desired results. What I will grant you is that we all need to be diplomatic about how we encourage members to continue on this path that will bring about not only the much desired result but all 12 Promises which come after the 9th step. For Bill advised us that no one likes to be lectured to nor is there any room for shaming in our meetings or fellowship. The traditions more than adequately cover whether or not we should be kicking anyone out and sincerely hope that your groups are following those traditions to the fullest.

Well said and I couldn't agree more.

Dear Anonymous,

I guess I'm not seeing the "One Size Fits All" approach in my AA community. There are meetings of all kinds and many different approaches to recovery. I'd say that MOST meetings in my area and approaches to recovery are very easy going. There's no cross talk or confrontation but lots of hands out ready to help.

I sobered up in a VERY strict men's step meeting in the Midwest that gave me a solid foundation in the steps.I needed that. But, of every 10 men introduced to that group maybe 1 or 2 would stick around. And that was fine. Others would go back to groups where they felt more comfortable.

When I moved to the Western US, my old hard core sponsor was wise enough to caution me to go easy in my new groups and not try to push the hard core way of doing things. He was so right. Members of my new group were very easy going and it took me a while to learn how they were doing things.

Today, I'm a member of an easy going lunch group that is full of professionals with lots of sobriety. My old hard core buddies might think this group is too wimpy and that's ok. If I want to belong to a rigid group, I know where to go.

I guess I still don't see any method of "treatment" that works as well as AA. In my experience treatment was a great place to learn about the disease and recovery but it was not recovery itself. AA gave me actual steps I could take that give me a way to live without needing or even wanting alcohol or other mind altering chemicals. I always have to remember that AA is not for those who need it but for those who want it.

If the proven program of recovery developed by Alcoholics Anonymous doesn’t appeal to newcomers and they prefer to try Hatha yoga, health food and vitamin therapy, Alcoholics Victorious, or Pilates, more power to them. I’ll be more than happy to look up their address in the phone book for them. As far as working with others in AA the instructions are contained in (of all places) the chapter “Working With Others” in the Big Book.