Rule #62: Don't take yourself too damn seriously!

1. "We are not a glum lot. We are not. WE ... ARE ... NOT!"— Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

2. "If my profound spiritual awakening is not enough of a reason for me to be the greeter, then I'm damned if I know what is."— James, New Zealand

3. Ed explains to the group how restraint of tongue and pen have served him well.— Fred F., SadBadGlad Group, Albany, NY

4. "I spent $30,000 on rehab. And now you're telling me it could've only cost a dollar?!"— Tim D., Atlanta, GA

5. "And you will go to any lengths to get it!"— Steve C., Glass House Group, Fort Worth, TX

6. "Wait just a damn minute!" ... burp ... "The Big Book never said" ... hiccup ... "'don't drink'!!"— Kelly W.

7. "And that is precisely why I shall not be attending any more of this group's meetings until you people decide to do things the way I say!"— Ty M.

8. "Don't forget--everything is suggested only!"— Anonymous

What's the best caption for the cartoon above? Send your vote (indicate which month's cartoon you are voting for) by December 15 to gveditorial@aagrapevine.org.

Do you have a funny caption for this cartoon? Send it by November 15 to gveditorial@aagrapevine.org.

Rule #62: Past cartoons and submissions

1. "My sponsor told me just to make three columns on a blank page."— Isaac S., Massachusetts

2. "I said no coffee for you until you finish your Fourth Step."— Michael H., Sunrise Solutions Group, Savannah, GA

3. Winner: "My mother just called. When I told her you were working on your searching and fearless moral inventory, she said, 'Put on more coffee. I'm coming over to help him remember everything!'"— Lori C., We Can Help Group, Peachtree City, GA

4. "Wouldn't it just be easier to admit you were wrong?"— Peggy M., Exeter, Ontario

5. "Didn't you tell me that Dr. Bob guy said to 'Keep it simple'?"— Brad S., Paradise Valley Monday Night Big Book, Phoenix, AZ

6. "You may not crack the code for serenity right away. Why don't you have a cup of tea and take a break?"— Joe H., Vancouver, British Columbia

7. "I'll keep the coffee coming, Frank, but you really don't need to study all night to speak at a meeting."— Mike M., Watertown, NY

8. "Have a bit to eat. I think AA can wait a few more days before they get your revised edition of the Big Book."— Billy M., Hattiesburg, MS

9. "Keep it simple, Stu~~~ ... Honey!"— Joyce D., Las Vegas, NV

10. "It's your inventory, but I'm pretty sure you don't need a bible and a dictionary to resolutely look for your own mistakes!"— Tony R., Austin, TX

11. "Maybe you can pick a topic besides 'Higher Power' for thie week's meeting, Dear."— Jimmy D., One Day at a Time Group, Deep River, CT

12. "After all this writing you have to do on your Fourth Step, your novel should be breeze to finish."— Jeanne F., Jacksonville, FL

13. "Beats me whether you need to write that one down; I'm just your wife. Call your sponsor!"— Fred F., SadBadGlad Group, Albany, NY

14. "But I heard your sponsor say, 'Just take the Big Book and read the black part'!"— Jerry M.

15. "You're a used car salesman, Joe. You can't possibly make amends to all your customers!"— Scott J.

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1. "Okay. After six months, you've convinced us you cannot make coffee. You are now our new intergroup rep!" — Bill P., Danville, CA

2. "Sure you can join our group ... after we get the results from your background check!" — Gary S., H.O.W. Group, Joppatowne, MD

3. "I know you think booze was your best friend, Ed. You just haven't met any of your new best friends yet!" — Fred F., SadBadGlad Group, Albany, NY

4. "Just because my clothes are covered with pet hair doesn't mean that I can't be the coffee maker for this group!" — Erik H.

5. Winner: "Your wife tells me you might do better in the 'Don't Think' section." — Tim S., North Olmsted Big Book Study Group, OH

6. "Charlie, I promise that George is just a little late with the doughnuts." — Trudy M., Lacombe, LA

7. "It's a good thing you don't have to be smart or good looking or rich like Joe to get sober. Even guys like you do it." — Wayne N., Richmond, TX

8. "I know you enjoyed it, but the newest guy is the greeter." — Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

9. "It's our group's annual Amateur Comedy Night and newcomers go first, so ... good luck!" — Tom M., Milwaukee, WI

10. "We are not a glum lot. Really." — David B., Sherwood Park Group, Edmonton, Alberta

11. "Welcome to Heaven--you're speaking tonight!" — Carol P.

12. "But Joe, everyone here drinks coffee." — T.J.M.

13. "Sure, you can be President of AA. You can start by washing the coffee cups." — Thomas S., Baghdad, Iraq

14. "Joe, if you speak tonight, I'll do your Fifth Step for you!" — Bob G.

15. "When was the last time you just had one drink?" — Rod S., Prescott, AZ

Rule #62: Past cartoons and submissions

1. "He's asking about the warranty on the liver transplant I provided for him seven months ago." — Anonymous

2. "I drew a blood sample from him. It had a head on it!" — Alan B.

3. "So it's agreed ... sunburnt roof of mouth is another symptom of alcoholism?" — Aran O.

4. Winner: "Mr. Jones wanted a second opinion when I told him he was an alcoholic. So I told him he was in denial, too!" — Fred F., SadBadGlad Group, Albany, NY

5. "He wants to know if you'll sponsor him. If not, he'd like two pain pills and some scotch." — Scott J., Portland, OR

6. "I just got a letter from a patient making amends for lying to me for 25 years!" — Jim C., Rowlett Group, TX

7. "The rubbing alcohol disappeared again. Are you sure you don't have a drinking problem?" — Terry C., May Club, Oklahoma City, OK

8. "He wants to know my opinion on 'The Doctor's Opinion.' " — Kevin C., Original Group, Tulsa, OK

9. "I said I'd get his bill and he replied, 'Put it on my tab.'" — Tim H., Men's Only Meeting, Windsor, Ontario

10. "He just asked to to have room service deliver a bottle of champagne on ice to his bedside." — Denny C., Atoka Out-of-Towners, Atoka, TN

11. "He asks if you would like to become a co-dependent." — Arnold M., Maastricht International Group, Bilzen, Belgium

12. "Leg fracture. He tripped over one of the Steps." — Mike M., Watertown, NY

13. "He gave me something called 'The Promises' and said his bills will be paid—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly." — Joe H., Vancouver, B.C.

1. "Get him out of here. He keeps trying to start happy hour with the Serenity Prayer!" — Ty M., Oregon

2. "Ain't he supposed to reach his own bottom?" — Fred F., SadBadGlad Group, Albany, NY

3. "Hang on to your hat, Pete. I've seen this before, and you may not be coming back!" — Joe H., Vancouver, BC

4. "Hey! That's alcoholic abuse!" — Denny C., Atoka Out-of-Towners, Atoka, TN

5. "You AA people have a strange way of 'taking one for the road.'" — Paul S., Fountain Hills, AZ

6. "Now that's what you call carrying the message!" — Brian B., Canton, MI

7. "He needs to rewrite his Fourth Step!" — Diane S., H.E.O.T.R.G., AK

8. "Looks like I'll have to have a 2-for-1 special to lure him back!" — Pete S., Plymouth, WI

9. "Hey, I thought you guys didn't chase drunks!" — Dawn H., Wausau, WI

10. "He's having water. You want one with ice?" — Jeffrey V.

11. "Hey, Pal...that's the fifth one this week! You're ruining my business!" — Kevin L., A New Freedom Group, Holyoke, MA

12. "... and STOP using this as a coaster!" — Christopher C.

13. Winner: "Yes, there IS a power greater than myself!" — Sheri J., Avondale, AZ

14. "Oh, God, another AA with a control issue!" — Rick H., Sunapee, NH

15. "There goes my tip." — Bill P., Danville, CT

1. Winner: "This Step Five may take a while; I would hate for you to fall asleep in the middle of it!" — Joe H., Vancouver, British Columbia

2. "Well, Madge, if nobody else shows up for our group conscience in the next five minutes, maybe we should take a coffee break!" — Ed J., Ft. Oglethorpe, GA

3. "I thought we might try some controlled drinking." — Ian M., Halfmoon Bay, British Columbia

4. "It's true what they say: We AAs have above-average urning potential." — Mike M., Watertown, NY

5. "I really like this meeting. It's not crowded, there is no time limit on sharing and, and, and, and ... oops! Am I boring you with my personal life? I must slow down on this coffee!" — Anonymous

6. "Wha... wha... what gave you the idea that I... I... I'm pow... pow... powerless over ca... ca... caffeine?" — Larry M.

7. "You know the saying, Alice: 'All you need is a resentment and a coffee pot to start an AA meeting.' Well, as you can see, Harvey has a really big resentment." — Woody R., Freemont Fellowship, Stockton, CA

8. "I find myself drinking as much as I always did, but my beverage has changed." — Kimberly S., Freeland, MI

9. "Sure, I know it's not very good coffee�\but at least there's a lot of it." — Gus P., Eugene, OR

10. "Whoever made this coffee has a real drinking problem." — Bill S., Kingston, Ontario

11. "Don't worry; it's decaf." — Mary Jo, Marinette, WI

12. "Wonder if we need a bigger pot?" — Alan M., Durham, NC

13. "At least now it's coffee, Vera. Back in the day it would have been beer and lasted only an hour!" — Jennifer G.

14. "Didn't need this stuff until my husband started to sponsor people!" — Jerry M., Albuquerque, NM

15. "Why ... no, I DON'T think 200 cups is overkill. Why?" — Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

1. "I suggested remembering your last drunk, not reenacting it!" — Bill D., Hockessin, DE

2. "Do I have a second on the motion to switch to decaf only?" — Mike M., Watertown, NY

3. "May I assume that the Minority Voice would like to be heard?" — Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

4. "Interesting ... it appears that some of us do wish to engage in controversy!" — Fred F., SadBadGlad Group, Albany, NY

5. Winner: "Shall we close the business meeting with the Serenity Prayer?"" — David T., New Hope, PA

6. "Oh, dear. I never should have told them the price of Big Books is going up!" — Paul M.

7. "Hey, everyone ... when I said you'll have to fight over the last cup of coffee, I didn't mean it literally!" — Kevin L., Holyoke, MA

8. "24 hours? ... Okay, then, anybody here with one hour of sobriety?" — Anonymous

9. "Well, that should conclude our group conscience discussion on finances for this month." — Larry B.

10. "We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, hitting bottom together." — Aloke D., India

11. "This is certainly going to give new meaning to the term bleeding deacons. " — James, New Zealand

12. "Now, would anyone like to read the Twelve Promises from the Big Book?" — Derek B., Glasgow, Scotland

13. "That's one way to deal with a resentment, but let's try the Steps instead." — Joe H., Vancouver, B.C.

14. "The topic of tonight's meeting is anger management." — Wesley M.

15. "I never knew group conscience could be so entertaining!" — Rachel K.

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1. "Ask the babysitter to say the Serenity Prayer and not to call back unless it's a real emergency." — Mike M., Watertown, NY

2. "When he told me he wanted to have a cup of coffee and talk about God, I told him I better call my sponsor!" — Allen D.

3. "That's right, Peggy. He calls it the 'straight pepper diet'!" — Joe C., San Diego, CA

4. "Honey, don't you think you're taking this 'checking with your sponsor' thing a little too far? We've been married 10 years!" — Deann D., The Last Chance Group, Moline, IL

5. "I don't think our relationship will last. Stan keeps trying to run the bases while I'm trying to take the Steps." — Linda S., New Ulm, MN

6. "I told him the result was nil and to let go ... absolutely!" — Jay M., Shelby, NC

7. "He keeps whispering in my ear that I am powerless--what should I do?" — Gary L., Chandler, AZ

8. "He just told me that my new home group would love me until I could love myself, and he's not wasting any time." — Denny C., Atoka Out-of-Towners, Atoka, TN

9. "Hello? This amends thing isn't going well." — Lurdes M., Elk Grove, Calif.

10. "Gladys? It's Suzy. I think Philip has taken one step too many." — Brendon

11. "Ah ... Hello ... I think you misunderstood me. I called for a Twelve Step call, not a Thirteenth!" — Kevin L., A New Freedom Group, Holyoke, Mass.

12. "Back off, Buster, or I will hit you with my 500-pound phone."--Howard M., Santa Clara, Calif.

13. "Hello? Yes, this is your sponsor. Yes, I will be glad to pick you up right now for a meeting. Thank you for calling." — Brendon

14. "HALT? But Sponsor, we're not Hungry, Angry, Lonesome OR Tired ... yet!" — Brent C., Gut Level Group, Springville, Calif.

15. Winner: "I know you told me no new relationships for a year, but he's got seven months and I've got five--does that count as a year?" — Sheila O., Massachusetts

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1. "He told me taking the Steps is very tiring. I think he better step over here and give me a hand with these dishes!" — Fred F., SadbadGlad Group, Albany, NY

2. "He's smiling because his sponsor told him that it's a selfish program." — Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

3. "Rule #63: Ed doesn't take anything too damn seriously!" — Bill A.

4. "He has two new sponsees, Jane. He has one mowing the lawn and the other washing his car!" — Timothy M.

5. Winner: "He's still looking for the headline announcing he quit drinking." — Mike M., Watertown, NY

6. "There he goes again, being good to himself!" — Jason L., Newark, DE

7. "'Easy Does It'—but do something!" — Jessie M.

8. "He said that God could and would if he wore socks." — Derek H., Lawrence, KS

9. "It's a different kind of doing nothing—now he remembers!" — John G.

10. "For some reason he won't eat my cooking any more!" — Stephen, By the Book Group, Ottawa

11. "Now that's progress! He has given up booze for 30 days, but he's not entirely ready to give up sloth just yet." — Paul S., Somerville, MA

12. "The Eleventh Step does not mention reading the newspaper!" — Familia C.

13. "He told me 'my side of the street' includes doing the dishes." — Brad P., Bellevue, ID

14. "Right now I'm just grateful that he is sober on the couch and not passed out in the neighbor's bushes." — Mike K.

15. "Is that the Big Book?" — SJM

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1. "I am willing to go to any lengths! I'm just saying I hope they have coffee at this meeting!" — Jeanne F., Jacksonville, FL

2. "Are you sure they said we needed to find a 'Power Higher'?" — Tim K., Lancaster, OH

3. "Okay, so I'm balking, I'm balking! Can't we just go back to the car and drive to a different meeting?" — Fred F., SadBadGlad Group, Albany, NY

4. "Let's take a break and yodel the Serenity Prayer." — Mike M.., Watertown, NY

5. "I'm tired! I gotta 'Let Go and Let God.' You don't mind, do you?" — Carolyn

6. "I don't mind doing the footwork, but this is ridiculous!" — Gary

7. "Couldn't we have jaywalked, just this once?" — Sean E., Los Angeles, CA

8. "Uh, I think I feel a 'slip' coming on!" — Anonymous, North Platte, NE

9. "They told me the elevator didn't go up; you had to use the Steps!" — Jerry, Albuquerque, NM

10. "Quick, Bob — should I be tying a knot in the rope and hanging on, or letting go and letting God?" — Linda C., Westboro Forge Group, Westboro, MA

11. "Easier, softer way? I don't think this is easier than Step 4!" — Cliff O., Caneyville, KY

12. "I told you, rock climbing is just like AA. If you miss the First Step you'll never make it the rest of the way!" — Pete D., Cleveland, OH

13. Winner: "I know they said to 'Keep Coming Back,' but this Hilltoppers group is a real pain to get to!" — Dave S., Speedway, IN

14. "Okay, I was exaggerating. The mountain I climbed for my last drink was not *gasp* this steep! Can we please go to a different meeting?" — Kaitlyn J.

15. "I don't think this is what they meant by 'he'll move mountains, but you have to bring a shovel'!" — Jenni G., Remus, MI

16. "You're giving me too much rope!" — Anonymous

17. "You're absolutely positive that the plaque said 'Queasy Does It'?" — Brad P., Bellevue, ID

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1. "My sponsee is scared of crowds. I told him that when he shares, just don't look down!" — Marc J., Olympia, WA

2. "Only five character defects? He's either really delusional, or maybe some of us are saints!" — Fred F., SadBadGlad, Albany, New York

3. "If he takes off his shoes to count, I'll believe he's an old-timer." — Mike M., Watertown, New York

4. "Someone better tell Joe there are more than five Steps." — Joe H., Vancouver, British Columbia

5. "I know I shouldn't judge ... but does rediscovering you have ten fingers really qualify as a spiritual awakening?" — Dave S.

6. "His mother told him if he didn't stop drinking his head would get stuck like that." — Ken K., Central Group, Arlington, Texas

7. "His first drink was at age five? This is going to be a long meeting!" — Mike K.

8. Winner: "... and on my fourth day of sobriety ..." — Ellen C., District 3, Area 44

9. "How many more? He's already counted 156 cars he wrecked when he was drinking!" — Gary M, via email

10. "So after that relapse the first thing I did was make sure I had all my fingers and toes." — Marc and Olympia J., via email

11. "Doesn't he know you're not supposed to sing 'Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall' when at the podium?"— Jeffrey H., via email

12. "Someone glued the Twelve Steps to the ceiling last April fool's day." — Stephen, via email

14. "My sponsor told me not to memorize the Twelve Steps; just practice them." — Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, California

15. "Is he speaking about — or reciting — his Fifth Step?" — Anonymous, Princeton, Minnesota

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1. "Jim's pulling one-month coins out of his sponsee's ear again!" — Marc J., Olympia, WA

2. "I'm sure they are laughing at me, not with me!" — Dave B., Sherwood Park Group, Alberta, Canada

3. "This can't be the right place — they're having wayyyyy too much fun!" — Lorene C.

4. "They never get tired of the one about the horse who walks into a meeting." — Mike M., Watertown, NY

5. "Can you please tell me why wetting the bed is funny?" — Scott, AA in the AM Group

6. "I don't understand why people are so happy here. Don't they know that they can't drink anymore?" — Mike N., Oshawa, Ontario

7. "There goes my sponsor again, making cordial jokes while checking everyone's breath for alcohol." — Anonymous

8. Winner: "Good thing we get a lot of newcomers. George has been telling that same joke for ten years!" — Fred F., SadBadGlad Group, Albany, NY

9. "I don't really know, but I overheard something about 'not being a glum lot.'" — Audrey B.

10. "Believe me, Honey — when I talk to my sponsor he's not always in that good of a mood." — Rick H., Coldwater, OH

11. "Honey, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore ... although I can't be sure after last night's blackout." — Allison G., Naperville, IL

12. "What are they laughing at? I've been here ten days and I don't see anything funny." — Gregory L.

13. "Ever since Jim got sober, his arm's been stuck in the same position." — Vic D.

14. "There's no way those guys are actually sober!" — Tiffany M., Canton, OH

15. "My first meeting I didn't know what to think either. Why I keep coming back ... the happy, friendly people." — Barb, Princeton, MN

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1. "Just like a baby, newcomers who are weaned off the bottle need special attention and pampering, too." — Larry M., Coeur d'Alene, ID

2. "Mike's idea of being a sponsor is a bit controlling, don'tcha think?" — Brent G., Springville, CA

3. "Bob's sponsees like to use him as their Higher Power, at least until they find their own." — Scott J., Westerly, RI

4. Winner: "Bob really is taking that Twelfth Step a little too far." — Greg L.

5. "It appears he's nearly ready to take his First Step." — Denny C., Atoka Out-of-Towners Group, Atoka, TN

6. "Once upon a time, there was a drunk named Bill." — L.J.S.

7. "Hey, isn't that the guy who wrote "The Big Book for Dummies?" — Joe H., Vancouver BC

8. "George used to be a kindergarten teacher." — Lurdes M., Elk Grove, California

9. "Now that's taking the sponsor-sponsee relationship to the next level." ? Veeru S., Mumbai

10. "Some people in the program just refuse to grow up!" — Bill F., Whitby Serenity Group, Whitby, Ontario.

11. "The dummy speaks next. They've switched from 'gottle of geer' to 'gup of coffee.'" — Mike M., Watertown, NY

12. "They used to have a nightclub act but the dummy got sober two years before the ventriloquist did." — Mike M, Watertown, NY

13. "My favorite part is when the sponsee recites the Steps while the sponsor drinks a cup of coffee." — Mike M, Watertown, NY

14. "George says you can be too smart to get A.A., but never too dumb!" — Fred F.

15. "Look, Joe's taking this job as a mall Santa to the extreme, don't you think? — Jay P., New Attitudes Group, Ocala FL

16. "Cut him some slack, Phil! It's his first grand-sponsee." — Michael R., Tustin, California.

17. "Rick is tough on his sponsees. He treats them like children when they first come in." — Scott W.

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1. Winner:"I wish those guys had the same enthusiasm to do Step 5!"Joe H., Vancouver, BC

2. "Phil's trained his sponsee well!"Dave B., Sherwood Park Group, AB

3. "Look Bill, there they go trying to save another one."Jay P., New Attitudes Group, Ocala, FL

4. "He owns the local donut shop."Anonymous

5. "Isn't that the guy who shared last week about feeling he didn't quite belong?"J.W., Boynton Beach, FL

6. "Hey, last week you told me I was the most important person here!"Doug V., Westland, MI

7. "Oh great, the coffee maker finally got here!"Kevin L., A New Freedom Group, Holyoke, MA

8. "I know the newcomer's important ... but that's just ridiculous."Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

9. "Who can sign for a shipment of coffee and doughnuts?" Joey, Oregon, WI

10. "Looks like we'll stay sober for another day, anyway!" - Anonymous

11. "Wow. Everybody does think of me as much as I think of myself." Jason E., Kingsland Recovery Group, Kingsland, GA

12. "We've been expecting you since we opened!" Greg P.

13. "Gee, all they told me was, If you don't want it don't let the door hit you in the a__!" Gerald M.

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1. "No, sorry, the topic is spiritual transformation."Mike M., Watertown, NY

2. "Will the Steering Committee members please raise your hands?"Carl S., Clark St. 6&8 Group, Clarksville, TN

3. "These midnight meetings are getting weird." Greg M., Decatur, IL

4. "Looks like Lou has a burning desire -- and it always seems to be a full moon."Sherrie R., Vancouver, WAS

5. "No, a little 'hair of the dog' will NOT help you!"

6. "All that moonshine he drank really has affected him."Eric G., CA

7. Winner:"Is this anyone's first AA meeting?"DLW, Bartlett, TN

8. "Yes, we will have decaf next time."Anonymous

9. "A PSYCHIC change, Bob; the book says a psychic change!"JW, FL

10. "He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."Scott D., Cumming, GE

11. "Would anyone like a beginner's chip?"Marlo D., Del Valle, TX

1. "Honey, I may be sober a long time but I still can't seem to find my car."Anonymous

2. "Are you sure this is the right place? I'm sure they said there were twelve steps to recovery."David D., Lexington, KY

3. "I can't go in there, Helen! I just saw my hairdresser inside!"Anonymous

4. Winner:"Isn't wearing womens clothing taking anonymity a bit far, Bert?"James, New Zealand

5. "Trust me Edith. I told you I'd help you with these steps too."Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

6. "Only six steps? This must be the "half measures" meeting"Johnny B.

7. "No dating for a year, Dorothy...."Greg M., Decatur, IL

1. "Yes, Igor, when you've been drinking, you ARE a monster."Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

2. "I don't think you're that unique, Frank. A lot of people get ugly when they drink."Anonymous

3. "Instead of getting Frank in a stein of beers, how about getting Frank to an AA meeting?"Larry

4. "So, you feel like you're the only one, right?"Anonymous

5. "Well Frank, when they are talking about their 'creator,' they mean something a little bit different...."Michael R.

6. "Don't worry Frank, you don't have to bend your knees to take the first step. I couldn't either."S.O.O.C.

7. Winner:"The bad news is, the doctor gave you an alcoholic brain; the good news is, it wasn't hardly ever used."Greg M., Decatur, IL

8. "The rhumba on that police car was ill-advised."Mike M.,Watertown, NY

9. "A screw loose? It's the key to openmindedness!"Fabian S., Bangalore, India

1. "All he keeps saying is, 'I should have called my sponsor.'"Ron J., Yorktown, PA

2. "Is there any room in the jar for another pickle?"Bill C., Phoenix, AZ

3. "Well, at least he came along 'policefully.'"Bill F., Port Whitby Group, ON

4. Winner:"I caught this guy going the wrong way down the 'Road of Happy Destiny.'"Grant H., Serenity Squad Young People's Group, Lexington, KY

5. "He thought 'One Day at a Time' didn't include nights!"Anonymous

6. "I found him stuck on the first step."Dan P.

7. "I picked him up at the hospital. He was drunk and dissed orderlies."Anonymous

8. Every weekend, chug-a-lug. He chugs, I lug."Mike M., Watertown, NY

1. "Is this what they call a low bottom drunk? S.R.B.

2. "So, you think we should head to the meeting now?"Scott W., Westerly, RI

3. "Told you I could drink us both under the table!"Bruce G., Houston, TX

4. "Hey Fred, I have this feeling that alcoholism is always hanging over my head!"Alan M., NY

5. "Shhh, I don't think she will ever catch us down here."Randy G., Prosser, WA

6. Winner:"Think we should order one more before last call?"M.D., Del Valle, TX

7. "We gotta get outta here, they open back up soon!"Scott, RI

1. "Ignore th' bumss, sshhweetie. I thhhink you're beauti ... beat ... pretty."Brent G., Gut Level Group, Springville, CA

2. "I'll bet you were the prettiest girl in detox."Alexander W., Fort Lauderdale, FL

3. "Hi darlin' my name's Cody Pendant and I think we have lotsh in common."Sandy, Wyong, Australia

4. "Those two bartenders over there ... one's Baffling, the other's Powerful; Cunning is on a break."Dan B., Out To Lunch Group, Madison, WI

5. "Can I have my garnish back please?"Bob

6. Winner:"Those guys don't know how special we are."Anonymous

7. "I've got an idea! Let's drive over to my place and get wasted."Anonymous

8. "The cartoonist might have drawn us better if he'd gone to that meeting!"Bruce W.

9. "Finally, someone who enjoys drinking as much as I do! Let's get married!"Bruce G., Houston, TX

1. "Think I'll head back to Omaha, where AA is serious but the fun never stops!"Anonymous

2. Winner:"As his doctor tells him he must stop drinking, Fred has a flashback to an earlier experience.Woody R., Stockton, CA

3. "Wow! I guess they weren't kidding when they said, 'It's not funny anymore."Anonymous

4. "Is it just me, or is my mind playing tricks again?"Anonymous

5. "I thought for sure this was my address."Victor G., Gordon, NE

6. "Standing in front of the next-to-last house on the block, Fred ponders last night's debacle." Loren B., Bozeman, MT

1. "I know we only need two people for a meeting, but I've been sober a year! I'm ready to meet some other recovering alcoholics.Kathleen, West Hartford, CT

2. "Sober all of thirty years and I'm still getting the lectures."Robbyn F., Casper, WY

3. "Honey, I just don't think I can control your drinking any longer!"Bruce G., Houston, TX

4. "So the group called you a bleeding deacon. Would you like me to take you to the hospital or would a bandaid suffice? Woody R., Stockton, CA

5. "You don't have to say your name. I know who you are."Georgia F., Arcaadia, LA

6. Winner:"Honey, you wouldn't happen to know anything about the bottle in the fireplace flue, would you?"Gary L., Chandler, AZ

7. "Say, Mr. Restless, Irritable and Discontented; doesn't your home group meet tonight?Anonymous

8. "And to think I gave up a cardboard box for this!"Anonymous

9. "I thought she was supposed to confine her sharing to five minutes or less!"Jimmy D., Deep River, CT

10. "I'm telling you, as the vote is deadlocked, the Service Manual says we have to go to the hat."James, New Zealand

1. "Good heavens, it's your father!"Anonymous

2. "I told him that he better change his attitude, not his altitude!"David B., Grace Group, Edmonton, Canada

3. "I think Santa had one too many eggnogs."Steve F., Rockland, MA

4. Winner:"Happy, joyous, and stuck up a tree!"Tom

5. "That's why Mummy goes to all of those meetings, darling."James, New Zealand

6. "He always gets lit up about the same time that the tree does!"Howard M.

1. "You're just a barrel of barfs, aren't you?"Sandy H., Wyong, Australia

2. "My husband went out looking for you ...."Alan M., Long Island, NY

3. "A newcomer to AA, Betty forgot to cancel her daily microbrew delivery."Terry D., West Springfield, MA

4. "What? You found him? And he wants a refill?"Brian, Wagga Wagga, Australia

5. "Honey, did you call animal rescue again?Cathy B., Cumming, GA

6. "Ahh, now I know why they call you man's best friend.Lorna

7. "I think it's time you joined "Alcohodogolicks Anonymous."Bill F., Port Whitby Group, Ontario

8. Winner:"I know they say 'rebellion dogs our every step,' but I didn't know they meant my front step!David

9. "I'm sorry, the Barlycorns live next door."Kevin L., Holyoke Noontime

10. "You're just in time for the Ala-Dog Meeting."Chuck M., Freehold, NJ

11. "So you went drinking and lost your key to the dog house againAnnie, Canal Winchester, OH?"

12. "You're a Saint, Bernard! But I'm not drinking anymore!"Tim M., Bradenton, FL

13. "Who called for 'Hair-of-the-Dog' delivery?"Tim K., Sugar Grove, OH

14. "I see booze has you over a barrel again."Anonymous, Bridgeport, CT